I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
