So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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