Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just pee around me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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