Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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