Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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