i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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