I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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