it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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