We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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