We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
