He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
