I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't deserve a penis
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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