Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
