I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
