She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I touched a dick in church today
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
