a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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