When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
