My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
