So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
