in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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