I wish I could teleport
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
