physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
