well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
