I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
