Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
