Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
