I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bet he comes in French.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
