I'm so fucking centered right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
