the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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