Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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