it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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