no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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