I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Âť and "Why tacos?"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
