ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
