is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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