I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
