You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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