you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize