Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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