he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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