I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
