if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
