I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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