when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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