and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
