Will you blow on my dice?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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