you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
