I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
