dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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