Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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