Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
