you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
