She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My ass is underappreciated
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
