If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
soo... how was my night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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