There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
