I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
