chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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