I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
