I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
