Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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