hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
