Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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