a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
