Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
