all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
