jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
