But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
