all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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