sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
