ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
