happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
